tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21326112775320345142024-03-13T03:24:02.727-07:00Notes of A Girl Whose Dad Owns The WorldJoy Edoriagbahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05282003316372002531noreply@blogger.comBlogger42125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132611277532034514.post-71578816556846693052012-06-08T07:39:00.000-07:002012-06-08T07:39:31.319-07:00Holla!Two years ago I wrote a journal entry, a letter to my ex which I recently turned into an article. It was published on ConnectNigeria.com last week and for some reason many people loved it. I even got emails and tweets from total strangers. Here's a link to it http://connectnigeria.com/articles/2012/06/04/there-goes-the-bride/ i'd like to know what you think.
Meanwhile, i'm sorry I haven't posted anything in months. Between making a living, growing a baby and my other writing and speaking commitments, I haven't found time to do it and I doubt that I will FIND time, so I need to actually MAKE time. And I will do that, I promise.Joy Edoriagbahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05282003316372002531noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132611277532034514.post-88971308938624401082012-03-24T11:31:00.002-07:002012-03-24T11:34:51.221-07:00Blogging Again!After many months of not being able to sign in here, I decided to try today and voila! So much has happened, and i'll share as much as I can soon, but for now do check out my 4-month old baby, the Ynaija Tinsel Weekly Review at www.ynaija.com<br /><br />Oh my blog, I have missed thee!Joy Edoriagbahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05282003316372002531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132611277532034514.post-57584036431721690312011-08-26T00:10:00.000-07:002011-08-26T00:15:40.504-07:00THE “NAIJA BRIDE” SERIES - PART 1<strong>A DOZEN DOS AND DONTS OF NIGERIAN WEDDING PLANNING</strong>
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<br />By Joy Edoriagba
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<br />1. <strong>Do </strong>try not to expect anything from anyone- that way you’re not disappointed. If you make plans based on money you’re expecting from family and friends, you may sadly find that some are unable to give you as much as you expected, and others unable to give you anything at all. Cut your coat according to your fabric; anything else that comes in is a nice bonus
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<br />2. <strong>Don’t</strong> start planning your wedding until you both have agreed on a budget based on thorough research. Recently married friends are especially helpful here.
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<br />3. <strong>Do </strong>paint a clear picture of your wedding before you start planning. Will it be a big affair with lots of pomp or a simple blessing ceremony in the pastor’s office? Will you have a reception or give out take-away packs of food and drinks instead? Will you have a big Traditional Wedding and a quiet Church Wedding, or vice-versa? Will it be a one-day, two-day or three-day affair? Will you have a bridal train or just your maid of honour and best man? Will you include children in your bridal train? If you will, who should be in charge of coordinating them? And so on...
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<br />4. <strong>Don’t </strong>leave out pre-marital counselling, whether you are wedding in a church or not. Even if you’ve read a trillion books and believe you know everything, the importance of pre-marital counselling cannot be overemphasised. This isn’t Jand or Yankee. This is Naija. Trust me; you’ll learn things you never knew you never knew.
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<br />5. <strong>Do </strong>identify the key players in both families (actually, the four families- maternal and paternal relatives on both sides), and ensure that you carry them along and seek their opinion regularly. It’s no use pretending that they are not that important or that the wedding is/should be about both of you and your immediate families. We are Africans, and that kind of stubborn independence will only see your wedding date, wedding colours and seating arrangements changed 20 times.
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<br />6. <strong>Don’t </strong>do anything because people are doing it; do what gives you joy. My colleague Bukola is getting married on the same day as I am. She’s giddy with happiness just looking forward to seeing her guests wearing her wedding aso-ebi (uniform). Yours truly, on the other hand, would hate nothing more than to look around and see guests at my wedding looking so identical. Bukola told me herself that I am lucky to be free from the aso-ebi buying and selling stress; even so she wouldn’t give it up for anything! You get the point?
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<br />7. <strong>Do </strong>make sure that your Church is licensed, if you’re getting married in a church. Otherwise, (I’m sure your pastors will inform you) make sure you do your registry wedding and then the Blessing of Marriage Ceremony afterwards. There is nothing like “Church Wedding”; there’s the Traditional Marriage which is under Customary Law, and there’s Marriage under The Act which is done in a government registry or a licensed place of worship. If your church isn’t licensed and you “wed” there, you’re not legally married, and that pretty paper they give you is just that- pretty paper.
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<br />8. <strong>Don’t</strong> forget about your friends. Regardless of whether they are married or single, true friends can help you remember what’s truly important when you’re feeling overwhelmed, and their counsel is invaluable. They can help you plan, raise funds, shop, and all the other nice things friends do for friends. They also help to make sure your life isn’t on hold just because you’re getting married (have you typed those notes your boss wanted? Have you called up the guest speaker for the next Youth Fellowship meeting? Have you even eaten today? Aha.) I’m assuming of course, that you can differentiate real friendship from growing up together, meeting and playing on Facebook, being old school mates, or things like that.
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<br />9. <strong>Do </strong>make sure that your maid of honour knows exactly what you need her to do. Even on your Traditional Wedding day, she is your personal assistant. Write notes/lists for her so she knows what to keep an eye on. Having someone who knows you well supervising things will help ensure that there are no photos of you craning your neck and frowning.
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<br />10. <strong>Don’t</strong> despair if you find that you’re no longer excited about your wedding. Sometimes this happens because you realise it’s not your wedding anymore (even though you and/or your fiancé may be paying for it all), and you just want to be married to the man of your dreams and get on with your life together. At times like this, throwing a “wedding” for other people may seem like an obligatory, albeit irritating, waste of time and money, but be encouraged; you are not alone, and this too shall pass.
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<br />11. <strong>Do </strong>watch out for the “I’m already married” feeling that settles over you after your Introduction. Standing before your parents, siblings, uncles, aunts, cousins, friends and in-laws to be and publicly declaring “Yes, I accept this man, I will marry him” is a deeply moving, and binding experience that will make you vulnerable to the most intense sexual temptations you may have had to face. If you do not look at his handsome face and repeat, “He is not yet my husband; he is not yet my husband” as many times as possible, you may end up ruining all your hard work over the years (or months) by stealing from your wedding night, or starring in your very own Nollywood movie- The Pregnant Bride.
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<br />12. <strong>Don’t</strong> let anything weigh you down! Have you sinned? Repent and get back on your feet. Have you grown too fat for your dress? There are solutions; Google can help you find them. Does the whole planning thing seem overwhelming? It won’t last forever. Are your new in-laws annoying you? Pray, smile and bear it; this is part of reverencing your husband, which the Bible instructs us to do (thinking of his “darlingness” at such annoying times really, really helps.) There’s grace enough for you!
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<br />Hope this helps. Congratulations!
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<br />Naija Brides! What did I leave out?
<br />Joy Edoriagbahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05282003316372002531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132611277532034514.post-52058123168636426542011-08-04T00:00:00.000-07:002011-08-04T00:13:23.791-07:00WHY EMEKA IKE CONSIDERS HIMSELF SEXY@KevinWithanL posted on Twitter, #WriteAnEssayOn why Emeka Ike considers himself sexy and win a 3 month subscription to GQ or Cosmo magazine. <br /><br />I had a stressful day and I needed the release so I decided to write the essay...no offence to Mr. Emeka Ike.<br /><br /><br /><strong>WHY EMEKA IKE CONSIDERS HIMSELF SEXY</strong><br />Did Emeka Ike become Nollywood’s leading man because he was sexy, or did he become sexy because he was Nollywood’s leading man? This kind of question is what is known as “chicken and egg question” or “JAMB question.” However, for the purpose of this article, we must blame it on Nollywood.<br /><br />There is the general, albeit erroneous assumption that TDH- “Tall, Dark and Handsome” is what all women desire. Furthermore, when an older woman gets her hands on this kind of man, she won’t give him up without a fight. This is the kind of sexy young man the producers of the English subtitled Igbo movie, Deadly Affair, wanted for the role of Ikechukwu- the sexy, handsome young man on whom the cougar Isabella (Dolly Unachukwu) would cast her lustful gaze and lay her claws. For reasons we may never get to find out, Emeka Ike was chosen for this role, which of course implied, at least to him, that he was sexy.<br /><br />Emeka Ike is relatively tall, and he’s also dark skinned. In his heyday, his teeming female fans formed the habit of swooning and fawning over him; my aunt never failed to comment excessively on his lovely eyes (don’t ask me), and this kind of behaviour, kept up for an amazing period of time, cemented Mr Ike’s status as “handsome”. The movie roles were rolling in.<br /><br />Every movie producer wanted Emeka Ike as their leading man. To further inflate his already large ego, they kept on pairing him with beautiful, sexy women. He’s starred beside Omotola Jalade, Rita Dominic, Chioma Chukwuka and of course, Genevieve Nnaji, with whom he acted in almost 10 movies. In fact at that time, it seemed as if Emeka and Genevieve were the only actors in Nollywood. Understandably, the more Emeka looked at and starred beside these sexy women, the more he thought himself sexy. And in the eyes of his fans he became sexy by association, a sorry phenomenon which only served to perpetuate the myth.<br /><br />We must remember that with all these movie roles came some good money; at his peak Emeka Ike was reputed to be Nollywood’s highest paid actor. Money, as we know, creates a certain brand of pseudo-sexiness to which Naija babes are particularly susceptible. And the effect this has on someone who has come to be considered “sexy” is so astounding that it can only be observed not imagined or reported. As such, the Emeka Ike we knew when he debuted in Deadly Affair was not the same Emeka Ike playing rich guy disguised as poor guy with Chioma Chukwuka (Disguise) and Rita Dominic (Sweet Love).<br /><br />To make an already bad situation worse, women responded to this “sexiness” or at least pretended to. They hailed and applauded Emeka’s sex appeal even if only in his own ears, so much so that when a HINTS Magazine writer asked Emeka in an interview if he thought he was romantic, our dear actor not only responded along the lines of “of course I am”, he proceeded to tell the writer that if he kissed a tree, the tree would tremble. The relationship between being romantic and eliciting sexual response from a tree still beats me, and the cockiness floating up out of the pages of that interview left me convinced that nothing was going to rob Emeka Ike of his Mr. Sexy status.<br /><br />Apparently, sexiness and sex appeal were all Emeka could think of, so much so that romance and sex appeal had become one and the same to him. The more he thought himself sexy, the more producers and fans considered him sexy. Soon enough, the situation had spiralled out of control. Emeka Ike was sexy and there was nothing anyone could do about it. Unfortunately, the worst was yet to come.<br /><br />Friends don’t let friends talk to ugly boys (unless said ugly boy is rich, and even then, some friends won’t be moved). Mrs Ike’s friends allowed Emeka Ike to not only talk to their friend, but date her and make her his for life, and as far as we know she was pleased to go with him. To Emeka’s way of thinking, it’s very difficult for an ugly, unsexy man to get a beautiful lady to fall for him, much less marry him. If she’s fair skinned, it’s much more difficult. If this beautiful woman is actually half-caste, then you have to be a hot, sexy guy to get her as your wife. Emeka Ike married “oyinbo”. By achieving this feat, he has proven to all his detractors that he IS sexy. And that, as they say, is that.Joy Edoriagbahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05282003316372002531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132611277532034514.post-45912802188526528132011-07-22T06:14:00.000-07:002011-07-22T06:30:34.397-07:00Working Out GentlenessI just finished my 4th lesson at the driving school. I can only say that learning to drive is making me a better person; hopefully a gentle Joy will emerge. Vivacious, spontaneous and fun-loving are words that describe me. Gentle, deliberate and careful do not. And yet it's in me- I know because Gentleness is a fruit of God's Holy Spirit who dwells in me. I just need to work it out.<br /><br />Now my instructor has acquired a litany, a string of reminders he chants daily that goes something like this- "Don't forget your foot on the accelerator. Remember to clutch down fully. Joy, concentrate. Don't accelerate too much Joy! Change the gears gently. Don't turn your steering so sharply. Don't throw your foot off the clutch, remove it gradually..." <br /><br />Sigh. It is well.Joy Edoriagbahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05282003316372002531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132611277532034514.post-24409846602273511022011-07-19T15:35:00.000-07:002011-07-19T15:39:01.443-07:00Drive, Baby, Drive!Today I finally got round to another thing I've been putting off- driving lessons. Gosh! I never imagined it was so complex. I kept forgetting my foot on the accelerator, trying to change gears without clutching down and looking too long in the mirror! At least I started and moved a car for the first time in my life. :) I pray tomorrow will be better.Joy Edoriagbahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05282003316372002531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132611277532034514.post-56413468362073490372011-07-18T13:59:00.000-07:002011-07-18T14:03:10.067-07:00ShakenI'm not feeling great right now. For reasons I'm not fully aware of, i've been putting off tests to ascertain my blood group and genotype. Both my parents are O+ so I was pretty sure neither me nor my brothers could be anything else. I also concluded that my genotype was AA, for no reason at all than that I liked the genotype and thought it should be mine.<br /><br />In previous serious relationships my partners had asked me what my genotype was, and when I said i didn't know, they usually closed the conversation along the lines of "well, i'm AA so whatever..." so you see, it was never an issue until much later. Any way, i finally got round to having the tests done and while I was right about being O+, it also turns out i'm AS. <br /><br />I can't believe it. I can't even take in what this means. Like, if things had been different I could have been this close to marrying an AS man I loved, who totally adored me, and then found out i'm AS too and then...? There is only one person on earth who could come close to understanding the full implication of this. <br /><br />I can only say it's been reckless of me not to have found out earlier. And I suppose i should be grateful i'll not have to live with the pain of what could have been. But right now i'm in shock. Maybe i'll feel better in the morning. Sheesh!!Joy Edoriagbahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05282003316372002531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132611277532034514.post-29069490237664389072011-07-17T13:32:00.000-07:002011-07-17T13:33:41.916-07:00Speak Those ThingsThere are so many voices telling us negative things about ourselves. Sometimes they are even the voices of loved ones. And as if to make things worse, circumstances may seem to confirm these things, at least at present.<br /><br />At times like this, you should look to the Word of God, and remind yourself of what God says about you, because that's the truth, and that is what matters. Let God's Spirit light up your own spirit. Speak truth to yourself today.<br /><br />I am wise. I am beautiful. I am worth my weight in gold.Joy Edoriagbahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05282003316372002531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132611277532034514.post-30130397538281405692011-04-20T06:55:00.000-07:002011-04-20T06:56:24.485-07:00Not My Business - Niyi Osundare<strong>Not My Business - Niyi Osundare</strong><br /><br />They picked Akanni up one morning<br />Beat him soft like clay<br />And stuffed him down the belly<br />Of a waiting jeep.<br /> <br /> What business of mine is it<br /> So long they don't take the yam<br /> From my savouring mouth?<br /><br />They came one night<br />Booted the whole house awake<br />And dragged Danladi out,<br />Then off to a lengthy absence.<br /><br /> What business of mine is it<br /> So long they don't take the yam<br /> From my savouring mouth?<br /><br />Chinwewent to work one day<br />Only to find her job was gone:<br />No query, no warning, no probe -<br />Just one neat sack for a stainless record.<br /> <br /> What business of mine is it<br /> So long they don't take the yam<br /> From my savouring mouth?<br /><br />And then one evening<br />As I sat down to eat my yam<br />A knock on the door froze my hungry hand.<br />The jeep was waiting on my bewildered lawn<br />Waiting, waiting in its usual silence.Joy Edoriagbahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05282003316372002531noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132611277532034514.post-16352132721804936952011-04-04T09:24:00.000-07:002011-04-04T09:41:29.315-07:00Breaking News: Sex Makes Babies!!!I love my sister Jennifer Fulwiler, not just because of the blood that bought us both, but because of the way her mind works; she has a beautiful way of coming to knowledge, and a delicious way of chronicling her journeys. She used to be an atheist and now she's orthodox catholic. She blogs about this at www.conversiondiary.com but the article that had me blissed out today was one she contributed to America Magazine on how she went from being Pro Choice to being Pro Life. Below is an excerpt:<br /><br />"All my life, the message I had heard loud and clear was that sex was for pleasure and bonding, that its potential for creating life was purely tangential, almost to the point of being forgotten. This mind-set became the foundation of my views on abortion. Because I saw sex as being by default closed to the possibility of life, I thought of unplanned pregnancies as akin to being struck by lightning while walking down the street—something totally unpredictable and undeserved that happened to people living normal lives."<br /><br />I laughed and laughed. It was an honest article, and her sincerity and intelligence I can't help but find endearing. Talk about loving the LORD your God with your mind! She was on point at every paragraph, and I'm both entertained and encouraged. You can find the article here -<br />http://www.americamagazine.org/content/article.cfm?article_id=10904<br /><br />Happy reading!Joy Edoriagbahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05282003316372002531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132611277532034514.post-51195796566339046932011-04-01T01:29:00.000-07:002011-04-01T01:50:19.552-07:00Premarital Sex RedefinedDoes the Bible really say that premarital sex is sin even when you're going to marry the person?<br /><br />The problem with Christianity today is that we don't take time to study the Bible in its original context. If you take time to study the old testament in Hebrew and in the Jewish context, and the New Testament in Greek and against the backdrop of the society at that time, you will definitely come away with a better understanding of sacred text. You will also realise that there is precious little you can do to change God's Word.<br /><br /> Premarital sex is sin, whether you intend to marry the person or not. <br /><br />Hahaha! Don't you just wish! April Fool! Happy April Fool's day to you!!! I love you all, thanks for reading my blog!Joy Edoriagbahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05282003316372002531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132611277532034514.post-57163839849893462582011-03-24T11:31:00.000-07:002011-03-24T11:33:45.471-07:00For John ChijiokeWhen I go, don't cry for me; in my Father's arms I'll be. The wounds this world left on my soul will all be healed and I'll be whole. Sun and moon will be replaced with the light of Jesus' face, and I will not be ashamed for my Saviour knows my name. So, weep not for me my friends, when my time below does end; for my life belongs to Him Who will raise the dead again~Jars of Clay (All My Tears).<br /><br />Rest In Peace CD John. Take heart fans, friends and family. The dead in Christ will rise first... 1 Thess 4:13-18. Love, Joy.Joy Edoriagbahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05282003316372002531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132611277532034514.post-4954057784553845972011-03-09T06:29:00.000-08:002011-05-16T12:34:29.240-07:00LIVING SMARTER, LOVING SMARTERAs I got on the bus one bright morning last week, along came a man selling one of those better-your-English pamphlets usually sold to commuters at garages and motor parks. Of course I wasn’t going to buy one. I didn’t even think about it, since i figured my English doesn’t need any help, much less from a street pamphlet. The man selling the pamphlets kept spouting excerpts from it; “It is wrong to say ‘The tap is rushing.’ Instead you should say, ‘The tap is running.’” “You don’t say ‘It’s time we leave,’ you should say ‘It’s time we left.’” And so on and so forth. I buried my face in my novel. Surely there were people on the bus badly in need of the pamphlet, I thought, unaware of my smugness. Just then, the man said, “You don’t say ‘I have an exam to write.’” I looked up sharply, my curiosity aroused. What then should we say, pray tell? “You do/sit/take an exam.” Oh, really?<br /><br />All of those are correct, I thought. Still, that doesn’t mean “write” is wrong, or is it? I was sure that when I got online, my friend Google would tell me. Still, so discomfited was I by the fact that I could not say for sure if what he just read out was correct or not, that I did something I had never done before. I asked for a copy of the pamphlet and I paid for it. It was the very first time I ever spent something on English and me. As I put it in my bag I felt humbled, and then I was suddenly grateful that nobody on the bus knew me, and then I felt silly for feeling that way. <br /><br />How many times have we been so comfortable in our work, our friendships, our romances that we hardly ever put in any effort to make them better? We are so certain that that we have them where we want them, that nothing could ever go wrong, that we’re geniuses at what we do, and that things will stay the way they are. “He can never fire me. I’m a natural at this job, the best he’ll ever be able to find.” “Of course she can never leave me. What would she <em>do </em>without me?” <br /><br />However, when we’re faced with projects that don’t come easy to us we double and triple our effort, determined to succeed. And when it comes to the curious case of loving people who don’t really love us, how we excel! We sell arm and leg to win their affection. We work ourselves into a frenzy trying to keep them interested, trying to prove that we’re worth their time, attention and love. The ones who love and want us? Baah! The ones we didn’t slave and sweat to get? Pooh pooh!<br /><br />I had a peculiar relationship with a certain well known fellow called Mathematics. We got off to rocky start right from primary school, and the number of lesson teachers I had solely for Mathematics would astound you. By the time I was in JSS3, our issues had become more severe. Oh how I wanted it to work, how I wanted “us” to be perfect. My poor mother was all over the place, recruiting teachers and buying books. By SS3, it had become a do or die affair. The Math genius of a lady who was preparing me for my ‘O’ Levels told my mother to make available New General Mathematics volumes 1-6, and in the months leading up to the exam she started from the very basics and we worked through to Book 6. After countless evenings of poring over equations and graphs, I ended up with a D7 when the results came out. Apparently Mathematics and I had come to the end of the road. The relationship was over, and it had ended badly. I was heartbroken. What did it matter that I never studied for my English paper and yet I made an A1? I was inconsolable. I had poured my all into my affair with Mathematics, and it had all been for nothing.<br /><br />Still, English has been a faithful friend, never mind that I never take any time or spend any money in a deliberate attempt to build our relationship. Whatever nourishment our relationship gets is a by-product of the things I do solely for my own pleasure. In a way, that’s how it should be. Love shouldn’t be so hard. It should come naturally. Yet, it should never be taken for granted. <br /><br />Of course there are those of us who upon realising that they have something at which they shine with minimal effort or a relationship that blossoms and sparkles without back-breaking effort, proceed to carry it like an egg, water it, hone it and do everything in their power to make it even better. These are the ones who stand out from the crowd, who truly have results to show for their talent. These are the ones whose beautiful relationships remain strong and grow even more beautiful with time’s passing.<br /><br />We must remember that even the most perfect of relationships need a little helping along every now and then. We must resist the tendency to take for granted the relationships that flow easily, all the while fussing over the ones that are not really meant for us. If you have a gift, be it a talent or a relationship, isn’t it worth it to work at it and make it the best it can be? Is that not much better than wishing and striving for something else that simply isn’t yours to have?<br /><br />Some argue that it’s not in your power to choose who you love, and you can’t turn it off and on at will like a switch. If you love someone, you love them. And if you don’t, you can’t force it, even if you know they love you. While the jury is still out on that theory, it is possible that we really have no control over who we love, in which case I’m lucky, because I love the English Language. And she loves me right back.<br /><br />PS<br />I did Google. You can take, sit for or write an exam.Joy Edoriagbahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05282003316372002531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132611277532034514.post-54259715617908133932010-11-24T08:50:00.000-08:002010-11-24T09:30:25.678-08:00If At First You Don't Succeed...I've slipped. I started eating at 7:30, then 8pm and sometimes 8:30pm! I also started drinking with my beau most nights. I figured it wouldn't hurt. But it has. All the good work I'd previously done, all that success, small as it seemed, has gone to waste. Almost. My tummy fat is even more than it was before I started my diet. Since I'm learning not to dwell on where I fell but rather, where I slipped, here are the mistakes I made and how I intend to correct them.<br /><br />1. Thinking that drinking sugar couldn't hurt that much afterall. It did hurt. Now that I know how much it was helping, I'm taking a 2nd look at my water only programme.<br /><br />2. Eating heavy meals for dinner and thinking that eating them before 7pm made it okay. It's better to eat a light dinner, no matter the hour.<br /><br />3.Not allowing myself room to enjoy sweet things. This only had the effect of backfiring and causing me to eat too many snacks and drink too much beverage when I eventually got my hands on them.<br /><br />4. Ignoring my exercises. No matter how hard the crunches may look (and they only look hard cos I'm no longer fit) I have to do them. I have to try.<br /><br />I'm going to measure myself now and write it down in a secret place. I will let you know how I feel and look after 2 weeks of good behaviour.Joy Edoriagbahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05282003316372002531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132611277532034514.post-27580986873357104382010-11-03T13:36:00.000-07:002010-11-04T00:35:46.793-07:00Here Comes the Bride: Why I’m Not Having a Church WeddingWhenever someone hears me say I’m not having a “Church Wedding” they always gasp, eyes popping wide open and hands flying to the chest. Some think I’m deliberately trying to be contrary, to go against convention. After all, EVERYBODY has a church wedding! It’s just the way it’s done. How can you NOT have one? <br /><br />Unless of course you are pregnant, in which case it is the church that has refused to wed you (and in which case, I suppose, you are DOOMED). “Are you pregnant?” they ask. No I’m not pregnant yet, and I don’t plan to be before the wedding. The thing is, as far as I’m concerned, the day my fiancé and his kinsmen come to pay my bride price, and my father and the rest of my family give me away to this man and his family, I’m married. That’s my wedding day. That’s the day I was married, the day I truly became my man’s wife; the day I will celebrate as my wedding anniversary for the rest of our life together. While most girls from a very young age (I’m told) dream of walking down the aisle in a long white dress, with bridesmaids and confetti, I never did. White is my least favourite colour, so bland and so boring, it’s almost physically painful to imagine spending a whole day wearing it.<br /><br />However, I understand that we live in a society governed by laws, and I realise I have to sign papers. And my husband and I will do so after our wedding, in a registry with our friends and family present. I will take the necessary vows. “Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband? Will you love him, honour him...” I will say “I do.” My husband and I will exchange rings as tokens of our love and commitment. We will be pronounced “Man and wife” and my husband will be asked to kiss his bride. We will eat, drink and celebrate this ceremony with loved ones.<br /><br />After this, I will NOT take off my ring, put on a “wedding gown”, go to church and pretend to be just getting married. I will NOT take those vows again; I meant them the first time, thank you. My husband and I will not be “pronounced” man and wife again, when we are already man and wife. I will not do any of all those things people do simply because they do them.<br /><br />Although my dad, himself an elder of the church, always says “the church has no business joining people”, I understand the desire for solemnisation which is undeniably deep-seated in every spiritual person. I do not deny this need in myself. That’s why a minister will be present on my wedding day, to bless our union after it has been sealed between both families.<br /><br />I love church weddings. I love them because of the deep meaning they hold for the people who choose to have them. I’ve been on countless bridal trains, with joy and gladness and a very merry heart. These friends and loved ones honestly consider this day to be their wedding day, and I’m always glad and honoured to share the joys of a day so special to them. However, having such a day holds no such significance for ME. I attempted to plan a church wedding sometime ago. Lord have mercy, I never went through drearier motions! Only the happiness of my intended made it worth while.<br /><br />Alas, that wedding never held; that marriage was never meant to be. Weeks have rolled into months and love’s flowers have bloomed again, only this time so divinely beautiful and so steeped in God’s peace. As I prepare to spend the rest of my life with my soul mate, I thank God daily that he not only understands the way I see weddings, he sees it the exact same way. <br /><br />So, there will not be a church wedding. I am vaguely aware that there are some who will be disappointed, though I’m not sure why. I do not intend to apologise for being true to myself. Still, I can’t help but wonder, if I were to apologise, to whom exactly would my apology be directed anyway?Joy Edoriagbahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05282003316372002531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132611277532034514.post-67476727979152735672010-10-28T03:52:00.000-07:002010-10-28T03:55:01.043-07:00How Far is Too Far? by John ThomasHow Far is Too Far? by John Thomas<br /><br /><br /><br />DEAR BOUNDLESS ANSWERS<br /><br />Hello! Thanks for Boundless — I enjoy reading all the great articles! I have a question for one of your writers:<br /><br />I'm a Christian college student raised in a traditional Southern family, and maybe I have an old-fashioned idea of modesty ... or maybe not. I've never dated and don't know what things are like, but my best friend, who I've always respected as being a strong Christian, recently became engaged; and I just met her fiancé the first time a few weeks ago. All they did while I was present was stand around hugging each other and whispering in each others' ears and kissing ... and I was shocked!<br /><br />How much physical intimacy before marriage is too much, Biblically/morally/spiritually speaking? Am I just being a prude to think Christians (even engaged Christians) should show more physical restraint with each other, or does it just apply to intimacy ... em ... below the waist, I'll say? I don't really want to talk with my friend about this because I think she would take offense ... should I?<br /><br />REPLY<br /><br />First, to address this couple specifically, I would say that if what they're doing in public seems inappropriate, then there's no telling what's going on in private. Generally, if it's behavior that distracts or seems out of place, then from a mere social standpoint (much less, Biblical) it's probably inappropriate. As I will go into more detail below, the apostle Paul said (and I'm paraphrasing) that what is merely permissible is not the goal for Christian behavior. The goal is what is beneficial or constructive (literally, promotes growth in Christian wisdom, grace, affection, virtue, holiness, blessedness). There's certain appropriate and inappropriate public affection, even for marrieds, and what benefits should be the target.<br /><br />For example, it's heartwarming to see an older married couple holding hands in the park or sharing a little kiss to express their affection for one another, what I would call non-sexual touching and affection. Seeing that, rather than emotional and physical coldness, encourages us young couples. It's beneficial to everyone. My wife and I make sure to appropriately express, both physically and verbally, our love for one another in front of our children as a model for them. It makes them feel secure and is therefore a benefit.<br /><br />On the other hand, it's disturbing when two people, whether married or unmarried (including engaged), are so physically engrossed in one another that it makes those around them feel awkward, which sounds like your friends. That's not beneficial. In your specific situation I would advise that you explain to your girlfriend that you are rejoicing with her in her excitement over her upcoming marriage, and that you're not being a prude, but that their physical expression toward one another makes things awkward for you.<br /><br />Now, to address the how far is too far issue in regards to physical expression outside marriage (we could also address appropriate and inappropriate non-physical expression, but one thing at a time). If Boundless had a list of top 10 questions, this would probably be in the top five at least. Everybody wants to know where the line is between "OK-with-God" and "not-OK-with-God" on the physical intimacy scale. Different Boundless writers have various opinions on it, but no matter where we draw the line, someone will want to know how close to that line is OK. If I say, for instance, no touching, em, below the belt, then someone will want to know how close to "the belt" is OK (and assume that "above" is fine). If I say, no passionate kissing, then someone will say, "define passionate." If I say, no holding hands, then someone will say I'm crazy.<br /><br />So, no matter what I say about specific, physical boundaries outside marriage, I'm caught in a swirling mess of degrees of physical touch that demands a finite set value. Can I go to first base? Second? Third? If not Home Base can I go three-fifths of the way between Third and Home? On and on it goes. We seem to be much more concerned about how close to "NOT OK" we can get and still "BE OK." We are obsessed with what can we legally get away with, how close to the line can we get, and that's where we want to set up camp. I wish I could just say use common sense, but one reader recently sent us a note saying that although he and his girlfriend do not have sex, they enjoy cuddling nude with one another, so apparently common sense is not enough.<br /><br />But we're not asking the right question. The question should not be "how far is too far?" but rather, "what builds up, honors, and promotes growth?" If we would only ask and answer that, we'll be so far from the lines we need not worry. The apostle Paul dealt with the same issues a couple thousand years ago. Christians in Corinth were wrestling over boundary lines about what food and drink and behavior was OK. As I mentioned above, Paul responded by urging the Corinthians to not be so concerned with what is permissible, rather, he said, concern yourself with what is beneficial.<br /><br />Obsession with degrees is immature. Christian maturity, as Paul describes it, is evidenced by concern with what is beneficial, what promotes godliness, what glorifies God, and with relationships what honor her and honor him and the community around them. If, he said, we would rightly focus on what benefits God and others rather than on how close to the line we can get and still not sin, we are mature Christians. The immature need lines, and lines around those lines. The mature are so far away from the lines, they're not even thinking about the lines.<br /><br />Lines are important and we need them while we grow into maturity. I draw boundary lines for my preschool children because they're immature, they lack knowledge. I have to tell them not to play beyond our driveway because the street can be dangerous, even deadly. My 4-year-old son is obsessed with how close he can get his toes to the street when he's standing at the end of our driveway. "So where exactly does the street begin, Daddy?"<br /><br />I'm trying to teach him about the danger of getting hit by a car and all he wants to talk about is where the driveway ends and the street begins. He's missing all the fun he could have on the driveway by obsessing over the line.<br /><br />The Bible draws a bright line, as to physical touch, at sexual intercourse outside of marriage (and at lust, I might add). So of course, everyone wants to know what exactly is meant by sexual intercourse. Genital sex only? Vaginal? Is oral sex included? Mutual masturbation? Holding hands? Light kissing? French kissing? And once they get an answer to that, they're off to see how close they can get to it without stepping over.<br /><br />I'll repeat what you've heard a thousand times: at a certain point of intimacy (physical and non-physical), the engine begins getting warmed up for sex. That place might be different for you than where it is for your mate and change depending on the circumstances. Wherever it is, the whole process is a progression toward sex. When the engine warms up, and you're not married, you're a 4-year-old playing on a busy street — it's only a matter of time. Draw lines where you need them and then strive to grow into maturity — where you and others are "built up" by your behavior, both sexual and non-sexual.<br /><br />Blessings,<br />JOHN THOMAS<br /><br />* * *<br /><br />If you have a question you'd like John to consider for this column, please send it to editor@boundless.org. Please note that all questions selected for "Boundless Answers" may be edited for clarity and privacy and become the property of Focus on the FamilyJoy Edoriagbahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05282003316372002531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132611277532034514.post-32373776801274779582010-10-11T03:11:00.000-07:002010-10-11T03:20:10.181-07:00Happy Birthday, Hi There Diet!After a nice weekend and a lovely birthday on Saturday, I'm back! I took a break from my diet over the weekend, drinking malt at 3am and eating chicken at night. Now Monday is here and we're back again and even stricter. No slacking!Joy Edoriagbahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05282003316372002531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132611277532034514.post-50525989680940298842010-10-08T06:14:00.000-07:002010-10-28T04:01:03.642-07:00What If His People Prayed?Oh what peace we often forfeit! Oh what needless pain we bear! All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.<br /><br />Somewhere in the far recesses of my mind, I remember wonderful experiences of prayers answered. I'm not just talking about God's abounding love and mercy, or His protection and the blessings He freely gives. I'm talking about times when ordinary people like me, my family and my friends connected with the divine and received direct responses to the outpouring of our hearts; salvation for loved ones, provision of physical needs, wisdom, guidance, direction, healing, favour with people, and even the disappearance of pimples!<br /><br />God reached down when we cried out to Him and calmed troubled spirits, opened closed doors, met needs and said "this is the way, walk in it."<br /><br />When I fail to pray, I notice that I make myself weak and susceptible to depression and negative thought patterns. Fear comes as it always does, but at these times it finds a place to stay and grow. I start to lose consciousness of God's intense love and perfect plan for me, not to mention suffering actual lack or living in less-than-perfect conditions. Also I must add, from experience I've found that it is impossible, and I mean impossible, for a prayerless Christian to be a fruit-bearing Christian.<br /><br />Once again I will prime the pump of my prayer life. While I agree that we need to find out why we slow down in our prayers or stop altogether, and how we can build ourselves up again, I enjoin us to do something that always works- JUST PRAY. NOW.Joy Edoriagbahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05282003316372002531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132611277532034514.post-67018200798089282372010-10-07T07:35:00.000-07:002010-10-07T07:46:01.219-07:00Inching AlongThe diet adjustment is going quite well. I'm dying for a malt drink, but I take a look at my tummy and say, "I will survive." The major challenge is in the drinking of the water, a tasteless liquid of which I have never been a fan. Note to self: DRINK WATER!<br /><br />Honey and I are in the process of replacing our evening snack-bonding sessions with exercise-bonding sessions on weekends; dance exercises on friday evenings and long walks together on saturday and sunday evenings. This plan, when firmly established, will make me deliriously happy for more reasons than I can name. For one thing, exercising with him motivates me to exercise by myself when he's not there. And you don't want to know what a high it is to watch him dance so deliciously. The cool evening air is also great, as is just being with him and listening to him.<br /><br />However I must add that watching him snack and drink our favourite cranberry juice at night is NOT fun. Waaah! Waaah!Joy Edoriagbahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05282003316372002531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132611277532034514.post-43669889526692714612010-09-30T13:39:00.000-07:002010-09-30T14:05:56.373-07:00Carried Away- A Journey CompletedI just reached the end of one of the most enlightening, exciting, inspiring and poignant journeys of my life; The complete six seasons of Sex and The City. For weeks and weeks I've laughed, cried and learned with Carrie Bradshaw and her friends.<br /><br />I'm so grateful I didn't let the title put me off; I would have missed out on an indescribably magnificent experience, one that nothing and no one can touch or take away from me.<br /><br />I'm a better human being, a better writer, a better PR practitioner, a better woman and a better lover for having seen the world through your eyes, Carrie Bradshaw.<br /><br />And I'm a better Christian. Fabulous, intelligent and inspiring as you were, you didn't have a relationship with God, didn't ever feel the everlasting arms beneath you, didn't know the joy of pouring out your heart in prayer, the confidence that comes from knowing that Someone is watching over you and that you're part of a big, beautiful, divine plan. I have all of these, and I see more clearly than ever how blessed I am to know Jesus. What excuse have I now?<br /><br />I pray God gives me the grace to not make your unwise choices, and to embrace your wise ones. The same goes for you Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte, because in the end it all comes down to one simple truth; there, but for the grace of God, go I.Joy Edoriagbahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05282003316372002531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132611277532034514.post-11983874320860238392010-09-30T00:30:00.000-07:002010-09-30T02:08:58.294-07:00The Uncompleted Book JourneyA most embarrassing thing has happened to me- I've been reading ONE book for over 2 months! All the while I thought it was me; that I had lost my inner reader or that I was giving priority to other things instead of my reading, which is essential to my well being both as a person and as a writer.<br /><br />After 2 months of struggling and a pile of over 10 books waiting to be read, I realised the problem isn't me. The problem isn't even the television. The problem is this particular book, Eat Pray Love. I started enthusiastically, with such high hopes and a plan to finish the book before August 14th when the movie hit the cinemas, and then somewhere in the middle, it began to drag unbearably.<br /><br />I've decided to do what I should have done a long time ago; drop it and pick up one of the other books. I always felt a sense of failure whenever I found myself unable to finish a book, something which has happened to me twice, with Coming Home and Wanderlust, both by Danielle Steele.<br /><br />I now accept that this is not my fault. It is not my lack of patience or willpower, neither has my love of reading waned. It just means that the book in question and Joy Edoriagba are not meant to be.<br /><br />I will now start reading Marian Keyes' Under the Duvet. Wish me luck!Joy Edoriagbahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05282003316372002531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132611277532034514.post-82229668963456662972010-09-28T15:03:00.000-07:002010-09-28T15:05:04.494-07:00Spoil Sport Glo BlackberryI couldn't blog today because my internet browser stopped working, for reasons best known to the Glo Nigeria Blackberry Service. Tomorrow is another day!Joy Edoriagbahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05282003316372002531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132611277532034514.post-2266047817819302422010-09-27T06:15:00.000-07:002010-09-27T06:40:44.158-07:00For The Love of SexyI've decided to embark on a trial two-week "water only" journey. This means that from Wednesday 22nd Sept 2010 to Wednesday 6th October 2010, water is my beverage of choice; no malt, no juice, no wine, just water. This decision is the result of the alarming rate at which my already big tummy has been growing since I stopped working over a month ago. I woke up one day and realised that I now have love handles. Eeew!!<br /><br />In honour of my beloved sexy fitted tops I've also decided to cut out my equally beloved bread from my diet, and can no longer enjoy late night snacking with my beau; all eating stops at 7pm.<br /><br />This is a big blow for me, because our late night snacking, be it on suya or pastries, had become a bonding ritual for both of us. I can only hope that the flatness of my tummy, which I plan to show off on my wedding night, will say to me, "it's all worth it."Joy Edoriagbahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05282003316372002531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132611277532034514.post-29252422312347309702010-09-26T00:56:00.000-07:002010-09-26T01:00:37.628-07:00My Blog, Oh My Blog!I haven't posted anything since July. Although it has taken me a while to get my act together, I think I'm on the right track now. Faithful, daily blogging begins tomorrow. I'm committed!Joy Edoriagbahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05282003316372002531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132611277532034514.post-30382325777904483222010-07-09T04:31:00.000-07:002010-07-09T05:16:04.526-07:00Tell It Not In Gath<em>Tell it not in Gath, publish it not in the streets of Askelon; lest the daughters of the Philistines rejoice, lest the daughters of the uncircumcised triumph. 2 Sam 1: 20.<br /></em><br />I recently noticed a new buzz on the internet, especially in the Christian blogosphere. Everywhere I looked it seemed another Christian couple was giving up on their marriage. I saw it in my daily devotionals, in my weekly newsletters, in Christian e-magazines; everyone talking about and analyzing the whys and wherefores of different ministers’ divorces- Pastors Paula and Randy White divorcing after 18 years (each for the second time, they all echo), the end of Prophetess Juanita Bynum’s marriage to Bishop Weeks (her second too, they are quick to remind us), the Kimberly and Fred Hammond divorce after 20 years of marriage, and most recently, Suzanne and Benny Hinn’s divorce after 31 years of marriage. And while we are at it, they urge on, let’s not forget the end of Yolanda Adams’ (2nd) marriage, or Amy Grant’s divorcing her husband of 16 years to marry country singer Vince Gill, or Jaci Velasquez’s divorce after being married for only 2 years.<br /><br />These writers and bloggers have no idea just how much the constant repetition and recycling of all this wonderful “news” makes me want to dash to the altar and pledge my unending love and faithfulness to someone till death do us part.<br /><br />Why do the salt of the earth and the light of the world do this? It is bad enough that the words of Jesus concerning grounds for divorce now seem to mean nothing, and we can now divorce and remarry citing “irreconcilable differences” once, twice, and even thrice. But must we broadcast it? Must we wash our dirty linen in public? Have we nothing better to do on the internet than provide “Christian divorces” results for search engines?<br /><br />We should be hanging our heads in shame and pouring our hearts out in prayer. But no, we’d rather prattle on and on about how our divorced brothers and sisters have sinned, how they’ve let us down (ha!), how they are accountable to us and owe us an explanation, etcetera, etcetera…<br /><br />Yes, it is disturbing that Rev John Hagee divorced the wife of his youth, Martha, and has been married to his present wife Diane for 34 years, and puzzling that God hasn’t struck them both with thunder. But isn’t it beautiful that Cece Winans & Alvin Love, Kenneth & Gloria Copeland and Mark & Darlene Zscech have been married for decades despite the inevitable friction that comes with marriage? Isn’t it noteworthy that Joni and Rod Parsley have kept their promise to never to mention the “D” word in the now 23 years of their marriage? Doesn’t Paul Adefarasin’s passionate love for Ifeanyi, his wife of 15 years, inspire hope? Does the magic that Fela and Tara Durotoye are still making 9 years on count for nothing? Isn’t it wonderful that Serita is still the first lady of TD Jakes’ heart after 29 years of marriage? Why can’t we write about that instead? Maybe we take it for granted because “that’s how it should be anyway, so what’s the big deal?” If this is the case then I recommend that we all just shut up and mind our own business.<br /><br />If I open my email box and see another Christian divorce story, I just might pull out all my hair, God have mercy on me! Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things <strong>are of good report</strong>, if there be any <strong>virtue</strong>, and if there be any <strong>praise</strong>, let us think, publish and blog about these things.Joy Edoriagbahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05282003316372002531noreply@blogger.com0