I just reached the end of one of the most enlightening, exciting, inspiring and poignant journeys of my life; The complete six seasons of Sex and The City. For weeks and weeks I've laughed, cried and learned with Carrie Bradshaw and her friends.
I'm so grateful I didn't let the title put me off; I would have missed out on an indescribably magnificent experience, one that nothing and no one can touch or take away from me.
I'm a better human being, a better writer, a better PR practitioner, a better woman and a better lover for having seen the world through your eyes, Carrie Bradshaw.
And I'm a better Christian. Fabulous, intelligent and inspiring as you were, you didn't have a relationship with God, didn't ever feel the everlasting arms beneath you, didn't know the joy of pouring out your heart in prayer, the confidence that comes from knowing that Someone is watching over you and that you're part of a big, beautiful, divine plan. I have all of these, and I see more clearly than ever how blessed I am to know Jesus. What excuse have I now?
I pray God gives me the grace to not make your unwise choices, and to embrace your wise ones. The same goes for you Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte, because in the end it all comes down to one simple truth; there, but for the grace of God, go I.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
The Uncompleted Book Journey
A most embarrassing thing has happened to me- I've been reading ONE book for over 2 months! All the while I thought it was me; that I had lost my inner reader or that I was giving priority to other things instead of my reading, which is essential to my well being both as a person and as a writer.
After 2 months of struggling and a pile of over 10 books waiting to be read, I realised the problem isn't me. The problem isn't even the television. The problem is this particular book, Eat Pray Love. I started enthusiastically, with such high hopes and a plan to finish the book before August 14th when the movie hit the cinemas, and then somewhere in the middle, it began to drag unbearably.
I've decided to do what I should have done a long time ago; drop it and pick up one of the other books. I always felt a sense of failure whenever I found myself unable to finish a book, something which has happened to me twice, with Coming Home and Wanderlust, both by Danielle Steele.
I now accept that this is not my fault. It is not my lack of patience or willpower, neither has my love of reading waned. It just means that the book in question and Joy Edoriagba are not meant to be.
I will now start reading Marian Keyes' Under the Duvet. Wish me luck!
After 2 months of struggling and a pile of over 10 books waiting to be read, I realised the problem isn't me. The problem isn't even the television. The problem is this particular book, Eat Pray Love. I started enthusiastically, with such high hopes and a plan to finish the book before August 14th when the movie hit the cinemas, and then somewhere in the middle, it began to drag unbearably.
I've decided to do what I should have done a long time ago; drop it and pick up one of the other books. I always felt a sense of failure whenever I found myself unable to finish a book, something which has happened to me twice, with Coming Home and Wanderlust, both by Danielle Steele.
I now accept that this is not my fault. It is not my lack of patience or willpower, neither has my love of reading waned. It just means that the book in question and Joy Edoriagba are not meant to be.
I will now start reading Marian Keyes' Under the Duvet. Wish me luck!
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Spoil Sport Glo Blackberry
I couldn't blog today because my internet browser stopped working, for reasons best known to the Glo Nigeria Blackberry Service. Tomorrow is another day!
Monday, September 27, 2010
For The Love of Sexy
I've decided to embark on a trial two-week "water only" journey. This means that from Wednesday 22nd Sept 2010 to Wednesday 6th October 2010, water is my beverage of choice; no malt, no juice, no wine, just water. This decision is the result of the alarming rate at which my already big tummy has been growing since I stopped working over a month ago. I woke up one day and realised that I now have love handles. Eeew!!
In honour of my beloved sexy fitted tops I've also decided to cut out my equally beloved bread from my diet, and can no longer enjoy late night snacking with my beau; all eating stops at 7pm.
This is a big blow for me, because our late night snacking, be it on suya or pastries, had become a bonding ritual for both of us. I can only hope that the flatness of my tummy, which I plan to show off on my wedding night, will say to me, "it's all worth it."
In honour of my beloved sexy fitted tops I've also decided to cut out my equally beloved bread from my diet, and can no longer enjoy late night snacking with my beau; all eating stops at 7pm.
This is a big blow for me, because our late night snacking, be it on suya or pastries, had become a bonding ritual for both of us. I can only hope that the flatness of my tummy, which I plan to show off on my wedding night, will say to me, "it's all worth it."
Sunday, September 26, 2010
My Blog, Oh My Blog!
I haven't posted anything since July. Although it has taken me a while to get my act together, I think I'm on the right track now. Faithful, daily blogging begins tomorrow. I'm committed!
Friday, July 9, 2010
Tell It Not In Gath
Tell it not in Gath, publish it not in the streets of Askelon; lest the daughters of the Philistines rejoice, lest the daughters of the uncircumcised triumph. 2 Sam 1: 20.
I recently noticed a new buzz on the internet, especially in the Christian blogosphere. Everywhere I looked it seemed another Christian couple was giving up on their marriage. I saw it in my daily devotionals, in my weekly newsletters, in Christian e-magazines; everyone talking about and analyzing the whys and wherefores of different ministers’ divorces- Pastors Paula and Randy White divorcing after 18 years (each for the second time, they all echo), the end of Prophetess Juanita Bynum’s marriage to Bishop Weeks (her second too, they are quick to remind us), the Kimberly and Fred Hammond divorce after 20 years of marriage, and most recently, Suzanne and Benny Hinn’s divorce after 31 years of marriage. And while we are at it, they urge on, let’s not forget the end of Yolanda Adams’ (2nd) marriage, or Amy Grant’s divorcing her husband of 16 years to marry country singer Vince Gill, or Jaci Velasquez’s divorce after being married for only 2 years.
These writers and bloggers have no idea just how much the constant repetition and recycling of all this wonderful “news” makes me want to dash to the altar and pledge my unending love and faithfulness to someone till death do us part.
Why do the salt of the earth and the light of the world do this? It is bad enough that the words of Jesus concerning grounds for divorce now seem to mean nothing, and we can now divorce and remarry citing “irreconcilable differences” once, twice, and even thrice. But must we broadcast it? Must we wash our dirty linen in public? Have we nothing better to do on the internet than provide “Christian divorces” results for search engines?
We should be hanging our heads in shame and pouring our hearts out in prayer. But no, we’d rather prattle on and on about how our divorced brothers and sisters have sinned, how they’ve let us down (ha!), how they are accountable to us and owe us an explanation, etcetera, etcetera…
Yes, it is disturbing that Rev John Hagee divorced the wife of his youth, Martha, and has been married to his present wife Diane for 34 years, and puzzling that God hasn’t struck them both with thunder. But isn’t it beautiful that Cece Winans & Alvin Love, Kenneth & Gloria Copeland and Mark & Darlene Zscech have been married for decades despite the inevitable friction that comes with marriage? Isn’t it noteworthy that Joni and Rod Parsley have kept their promise to never to mention the “D” word in the now 23 years of their marriage? Doesn’t Paul Adefarasin’s passionate love for Ifeanyi, his wife of 15 years, inspire hope? Does the magic that Fela and Tara Durotoye are still making 9 years on count for nothing? Isn’t it wonderful that Serita is still the first lady of TD Jakes’ heart after 29 years of marriage? Why can’t we write about that instead? Maybe we take it for granted because “that’s how it should be anyway, so what’s the big deal?” If this is the case then I recommend that we all just shut up and mind our own business.
If I open my email box and see another Christian divorce story, I just might pull out all my hair, God have mercy on me! Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report, if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, let us think, publish and blog about these things.
I recently noticed a new buzz on the internet, especially in the Christian blogosphere. Everywhere I looked it seemed another Christian couple was giving up on their marriage. I saw it in my daily devotionals, in my weekly newsletters, in Christian e-magazines; everyone talking about and analyzing the whys and wherefores of different ministers’ divorces- Pastors Paula and Randy White divorcing after 18 years (each for the second time, they all echo), the end of Prophetess Juanita Bynum’s marriage to Bishop Weeks (her second too, they are quick to remind us), the Kimberly and Fred Hammond divorce after 20 years of marriage, and most recently, Suzanne and Benny Hinn’s divorce after 31 years of marriage. And while we are at it, they urge on, let’s not forget the end of Yolanda Adams’ (2nd) marriage, or Amy Grant’s divorcing her husband of 16 years to marry country singer Vince Gill, or Jaci Velasquez’s divorce after being married for only 2 years.
These writers and bloggers have no idea just how much the constant repetition and recycling of all this wonderful “news” makes me want to dash to the altar and pledge my unending love and faithfulness to someone till death do us part.
Why do the salt of the earth and the light of the world do this? It is bad enough that the words of Jesus concerning grounds for divorce now seem to mean nothing, and we can now divorce and remarry citing “irreconcilable differences” once, twice, and even thrice. But must we broadcast it? Must we wash our dirty linen in public? Have we nothing better to do on the internet than provide “Christian divorces” results for search engines?
We should be hanging our heads in shame and pouring our hearts out in prayer. But no, we’d rather prattle on and on about how our divorced brothers and sisters have sinned, how they’ve let us down (ha!), how they are accountable to us and owe us an explanation, etcetera, etcetera…
Yes, it is disturbing that Rev John Hagee divorced the wife of his youth, Martha, and has been married to his present wife Diane for 34 years, and puzzling that God hasn’t struck them both with thunder. But isn’t it beautiful that Cece Winans & Alvin Love, Kenneth & Gloria Copeland and Mark & Darlene Zscech have been married for decades despite the inevitable friction that comes with marriage? Isn’t it noteworthy that Joni and Rod Parsley have kept their promise to never to mention the “D” word in the now 23 years of their marriage? Doesn’t Paul Adefarasin’s passionate love for Ifeanyi, his wife of 15 years, inspire hope? Does the magic that Fela and Tara Durotoye are still making 9 years on count for nothing? Isn’t it wonderful that Serita is still the first lady of TD Jakes’ heart after 29 years of marriage? Why can’t we write about that instead? Maybe we take it for granted because “that’s how it should be anyway, so what’s the big deal?” If this is the case then I recommend that we all just shut up and mind our own business.
If I open my email box and see another Christian divorce story, I just might pull out all my hair, God have mercy on me! Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report, if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, let us think, publish and blog about these things.
Monday, June 28, 2010
The Concubine
“You asked me not to wear cologne; she’ll know you been with me alone, and you can’t take our secret home, so you ask me not to wear cologne.” ~ Dolly Parton, Cologne
For as long as I can remember, I have been fascinated by the phenomenon called The Other Woman. Still, it has taken me a long time to even begin to understand her; her many faces, her many sides, the different roads she’s had to walk. What kind of person sleeps with someone else’s husband? What kind of monster is this accomplice to the horrible crime that is the destruction of the precious dreams of a once hopeful bride? What kind of woman creeps, sashays or lets herself be drawn into a man’s life, wreaking havoc ranging from minimal to colossal, and even altering the course of his children’s lives?
I had a chat recently with a much older pal of mine whose wife and kids, for reasons best known to him, live in the UK while he lives here in Nigeria. He told me he’s looking for a “wifey” and asked if I had any nice friends who are “like me” that he could “build something solid” with. Now, I’ve shed most of the naïveté for which I used to be known, but I still couldn’t help being perplexed at the ease, and dare I say, sincerity with which he made this request. He truly didn’t look like he meant any harm!
Our talk got me thinking, as I am often wont to (having grown up amongst men for whom extramarital affairs are the norm), about the mistress. It is unlikely that we will ever completely understand her, because she is a woman and she is many women, but here are some bits and pieces I’ve found out in the course of my living, reading and listening.
1. Sometimes, she doesn’t know he is married. An acquaintance of mine recently started to fall for a charming guy who had some business to do in her office. The sparks appeared to be flying both ways for a few weeks, until she heard him mention his child. So she asked him, “Are you married”? He went, “Err, well, actually…” and then left her with the vague impression that he at least had a “baby mama”. So she said to me “Joy, what does this mean? Is he married or isn’t he?” I told her what she already knew; with such questions, anything except a clear, confident “No” is a “Yes”. But imagine with me that the subject hadn’t come up, she hadn’t asked him, she started dating him, got hooked on him…
2. She knows he is married and she doesn’t give a shit, or is too far gone to care. We all know some variant of this woman. She needs to be in a relationship and your husband is available. She gets the benefits of a relationship, a shoulder to lean on and sexual partner, without washing boxers, missing girls’ night out, attending to in-laws or otherwise taking up an excessive amount of time. Maybe she needs financial assistance and services your husband in return. After all in her best selling book, Having It All, Cosmopolitan’s international editor-in-chief, Helen Gurley Brown writes, “I don’t know how a girl can survive without the occasional married man to tide her through the rough times.”
Again, it could be that your husband is just the straying type and he got “lucky” and found a woman without scruples. In fact, in this one’s mind you should be grateful because she is doing you a favour by reducing your “workload”. Or maybe she just likes handsome, charming, intelligent or powerful men and unfortunately for you, your husband is one or more of the above. Or she is the woman my aforementioned acquaintance could have been; she didn’t know he was married in the beginning and now that she knows, it is too late. She’s resigned to her fate. The sun and moon rise in his eyes, and like the Whitney Houston song goes, “A few stolen moments is all that we share, you've got your family, and they need you there. Though I've tried to resist, being last on your list but no other man's gonna do, so I'm saving all my love for you.” The Outrageous Millie Jackson encourages further,
“Mama and Daddy
Say it's a shame
It's a downright disgrace
But long as I got
You by my side
I don't care what people say
My friends tell me it's no future
In lovin' a married man
If I can't see you when I want
I'll have to see you when I can
If lovin' you is wrong
I don't want to be right…
Sometimes though, she isn’t exactly resigned…
3. She believes him when he says he’ll divorce you and marry her. She hopes, prays, works and lives for that great day when your husband will make an honest woman of her. It is the thought of this day that helps her get through the other days when her conscience is weighed down with the burden of this terrible thing she is doing. You see, sometimes, she knows you, maybe even respects you. She may see you often and even chat with you. You may consider her your friend, your sister or even think she’s a daughter to you and your husband. But he has whispered in her ears while they were in bed, about how she is all the things you’ll never be, how all he needs is a little time to sort things out and then they will live together happily ever after and everything will be alright. Sometimes to her way of thinking, she actually deserves this because…
4. She loved him before you did. These two have history “as long as Calabar-Itu Road”, as a friend likes to say. Maybe they dated and things didn’t work out for some reason. Maybe they were even teenage sweethearts who lacked the maturity to sustain their precious, innocent love. Or maybe they didn’t even date and to him she’s The One Who Got Away or the “best girlfriend I never had.” Well, they’ve found each other now and it’s just too bad for you and too good for them…almost.
5. They’ll get what’s coming to them. Whether you find this comforting or not, whether it happens the way you want it to or not, this is a fact. It may be that you neglected your husband, turned him down too often, let yourself go physically, lacked wisdom in your church activity involvement, put the children before him…it doesn’t make his adultery right. Whether you think it’s your fault or not, they have both sinned against you, and against God. Therefore, unless they put an end to it and repent, they’re gonna get it. Do your best to win back your husband. Pray, get back in shape, revamp your wardrobe, cook up a storm, whatever you know your husband’s thing is, draw on God’s grace and keep doing it. You can’t afford not to try.
But alas this is life; sometimes you do your best and your best is not good enough. Take heart. Call it karma, nemesis, retribution, judgment, whatever. The truth remains, “Be not deceived, for God is not mocked; whatsoever a man sows, the same shall he also reap.” It is a natural law. It may take time, but it will happen. I hope that makes you feel better. If it doesn’t, I know someone who knows some baaaad Ijaw boys who can attend to that woman and “treat her fuck up.” Now if only two wrongs could make a right…
For as long as I can remember, I have been fascinated by the phenomenon called The Other Woman. Still, it has taken me a long time to even begin to understand her; her many faces, her many sides, the different roads she’s had to walk. What kind of person sleeps with someone else’s husband? What kind of monster is this accomplice to the horrible crime that is the destruction of the precious dreams of a once hopeful bride? What kind of woman creeps, sashays or lets herself be drawn into a man’s life, wreaking havoc ranging from minimal to colossal, and even altering the course of his children’s lives?
I had a chat recently with a much older pal of mine whose wife and kids, for reasons best known to him, live in the UK while he lives here in Nigeria. He told me he’s looking for a “wifey” and asked if I had any nice friends who are “like me” that he could “build something solid” with. Now, I’ve shed most of the naïveté for which I used to be known, but I still couldn’t help being perplexed at the ease, and dare I say, sincerity with which he made this request. He truly didn’t look like he meant any harm!
Our talk got me thinking, as I am often wont to (having grown up amongst men for whom extramarital affairs are the norm), about the mistress. It is unlikely that we will ever completely understand her, because she is a woman and she is many women, but here are some bits and pieces I’ve found out in the course of my living, reading and listening.
1. Sometimes, she doesn’t know he is married. An acquaintance of mine recently started to fall for a charming guy who had some business to do in her office. The sparks appeared to be flying both ways for a few weeks, until she heard him mention his child. So she asked him, “Are you married”? He went, “Err, well, actually…” and then left her with the vague impression that he at least had a “baby mama”. So she said to me “Joy, what does this mean? Is he married or isn’t he?” I told her what she already knew; with such questions, anything except a clear, confident “No” is a “Yes”. But imagine with me that the subject hadn’t come up, she hadn’t asked him, she started dating him, got hooked on him…
2. She knows he is married and she doesn’t give a shit, or is too far gone to care. We all know some variant of this woman. She needs to be in a relationship and your husband is available. She gets the benefits of a relationship, a shoulder to lean on and sexual partner, without washing boxers, missing girls’ night out, attending to in-laws or otherwise taking up an excessive amount of time. Maybe she needs financial assistance and services your husband in return. After all in her best selling book, Having It All, Cosmopolitan’s international editor-in-chief, Helen Gurley Brown writes, “I don’t know how a girl can survive without the occasional married man to tide her through the rough times.”
Again, it could be that your husband is just the straying type and he got “lucky” and found a woman without scruples. In fact, in this one’s mind you should be grateful because she is doing you a favour by reducing your “workload”. Or maybe she just likes handsome, charming, intelligent or powerful men and unfortunately for you, your husband is one or more of the above. Or she is the woman my aforementioned acquaintance could have been; she didn’t know he was married in the beginning and now that she knows, it is too late. She’s resigned to her fate. The sun and moon rise in his eyes, and like the Whitney Houston song goes, “A few stolen moments is all that we share, you've got your family, and they need you there. Though I've tried to resist, being last on your list but no other man's gonna do, so I'm saving all my love for you.” The Outrageous Millie Jackson encourages further,
“Mama and Daddy
Say it's a shame
It's a downright disgrace
But long as I got
You by my side
I don't care what people say
My friends tell me it's no future
In lovin' a married man
If I can't see you when I want
I'll have to see you when I can
If lovin' you is wrong
I don't want to be right…
Sometimes though, she isn’t exactly resigned…
3. She believes him when he says he’ll divorce you and marry her. She hopes, prays, works and lives for that great day when your husband will make an honest woman of her. It is the thought of this day that helps her get through the other days when her conscience is weighed down with the burden of this terrible thing she is doing. You see, sometimes, she knows you, maybe even respects you. She may see you often and even chat with you. You may consider her your friend, your sister or even think she’s a daughter to you and your husband. But he has whispered in her ears while they were in bed, about how she is all the things you’ll never be, how all he needs is a little time to sort things out and then they will live together happily ever after and everything will be alright. Sometimes to her way of thinking, she actually deserves this because…
4. She loved him before you did. These two have history “as long as Calabar-Itu Road”, as a friend likes to say. Maybe they dated and things didn’t work out for some reason. Maybe they were even teenage sweethearts who lacked the maturity to sustain their precious, innocent love. Or maybe they didn’t even date and to him she’s The One Who Got Away or the “best girlfriend I never had.” Well, they’ve found each other now and it’s just too bad for you and too good for them…almost.
5. They’ll get what’s coming to them. Whether you find this comforting or not, whether it happens the way you want it to or not, this is a fact. It may be that you neglected your husband, turned him down too often, let yourself go physically, lacked wisdom in your church activity involvement, put the children before him…it doesn’t make his adultery right. Whether you think it’s your fault or not, they have both sinned against you, and against God. Therefore, unless they put an end to it and repent, they’re gonna get it. Do your best to win back your husband. Pray, get back in shape, revamp your wardrobe, cook up a storm, whatever you know your husband’s thing is, draw on God’s grace and keep doing it. You can’t afford not to try.
But alas this is life; sometimes you do your best and your best is not good enough. Take heart. Call it karma, nemesis, retribution, judgment, whatever. The truth remains, “Be not deceived, for God is not mocked; whatsoever a man sows, the same shall he also reap.” It is a natural law. It may take time, but it will happen. I hope that makes you feel better. If it doesn’t, I know someone who knows some baaaad Ijaw boys who can attend to that woman and “treat her fuck up.” Now if only two wrongs could make a right…
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)